We Don’t Need More Frameworks. We Need Better Managers
Not long ago I came across a Reddit thread that felt like it had been pulled directly from my own inner monologue.
A Senior Product Manager wrote about how, after 3 years in the role, they felt… broken. Not burnt out, not lazy, not unskilled — just stuck. They were doing all the right things: discovery, alignment, requirement docs, stakeholder juggling. But constant direction changes, criticism with no constructive follow-up, and an unsupportive manager led them to question: "Am I even cut out for this job?"
And then came the gut-punch: their manager implied maybe they weren’t.
The unspoken reality of product management
Reading through the comments was like attending a group therapy session for PMs.
One person put it perfectly:
“Welcome to product management: where you're expected to lead without authority, deliver without clarity, and absorb blame like a human surge protector.”
Another nailed the dirty secret behind a lot of PM disillusionment:
“This is a soft skill posing as a profession.”
I’ve felt this too. The role is incredibly ambiguous. You’re supposed to bring clarity, yet no one gives you any. You're told to “own outcomes” but rarely given the real authority to drive them. And worst of all — when things go right, it’s the team. When they go wrong, it’s the PM.
But what if the system really is broken?
It’s easy to internalize failure in this job. You start to believe you’re the problem.
But after a decade in product, I’ve realized: toxic feedback loops, unclear ownership, and “figure it out yourself” cultures aren’t signs that you suck. They’re signs that the system around you is flawed.
One commenter said it bluntly:
“You don’t go from competent PM to incompetent Sr PM in three years unless your environment is making the job impossible.”
And here’s the twist: most companies won’t admit this. They’ll let you drown instead of teaching you to swim. Some managers will even weaponize your confusion to justify their own inaction.
So what now?
If this is resonating, here’s what I want to say:
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing just because you're overwhelmed.
You’re not alone.
But also — you’re not powerless.
Before you jump ship, here are a few things I’ve seen work — or at least move the needle:
Start small, fix what you can: If priorities shift constantly, try mapping out the decision-making flow and identifying where clarity breaks down.
Ask for feedback in writing: Make expectations and feedback visible. It forces clarity — and accountability.
Find an internal ally: If your manager won’t mentor you, find someone who will. A Staff PM, an Engineering Lead, even a smart designer.
Document everything: Not just your work, but also your asks. “I’d like more support in X.” “Can we clarify the goals for this quarter?” This creates a record and protects you.
And if you’ve tried all of the above and things still don’t improve — maybe it’s time to go somewhere that actually deserves you.
Final thought
“Your struggles don’t make you a bad PM … they make you a real one.”
It took me years to realize that resilience in this role doesn’t mean never struggling — it means learning how to keep going, even when the system works against you.
So if you’re in that fog right now, don’t shut down. Reach out. Ask questions. Vent. Find your people — online or off.
You’re not weak for needing support. You’re smart for seeking it.
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